Thoughts of a Black Lion
by Saiyan-C
Summary: Simply the memories of the captain of the White Tigers, from when he was a child until the end of the Beyblading World Tournament in Russia. One-sided LeeMariah, mutual RayMariah, and possibly more. Rating may go up later on. [New chapter up 30th July]
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, like everyone else on this site.

This is a fic about a guy, from around the age of eight years old to when he is sixteen, present day, when he is using a certain laptop to type up his thoughts while everyone's asleep. It describes how he feels when everything starts changing, when he starts growing up, when his best friend disappears without saying why, and when … he begins to notice his female cousin a lot more.

The person is obvious by now thanks to the title and the plot points, so …

Please enjoy Thoughts of a Black Lion.

* * *

Ever since I can remember, our village was nameless. What do you expect? We were so isolated and cut off from the rest of the world that nearly no one even knew we existed, and I can remember how frustrated my best friend got about it. I never did. I never questioned it. It was just how it had always been, how I had always known it. I didn't want to change that really; it sort of gave my life a weird form of stability, a stability I guess I needed, though I never admitted it.

Who am I? Hmm… a hard question to answer. I don't even know why I'm writing this, on a borrowed laptop that I'll use to print the pages off later, or why you're reading it. I think I'm just trying to get my thoughts together, something to take my mind off what's been happening for the last year or so, especially what's been happening for the last couple of weeks.

Maybe I'll tell you who I am later. After all, we may never meet, and it would be nice to be on first name terms, even though I may never see your face, the person reading my thoughts and dreams and past, page after page of it. You could be anyone. I might be dead and gone while you read this, or you might be one of my friends snooping through my stuff again.

I hope not.

Everyone's sleeping around me at the moment, since it's pretty early and we were having a lot of fun last night. Everyone looks so different when they sleep… peaceful, I guess. Even the leader of _his_ face is relaxed, a young girl resting her head on his shoulder. On the same sofa Ray, the white tiger,slumbers, his arm casually around my cousin's waist, a content smile lightly gracing his face even as he sleeps. I feel my face burn with a rush of jealousy; I haven't slept properly in over a year now, let alone contentedly. And to add insult to injury, I helped them get together. Because she had asked me to.

I'm getting ahead of myself. I didn't start writing this to write about what's happening now. I started writing this to write about what's happened in the past, to try and make sense of it all.

Where should I start… there isn't really a mark on my calendar to tell me where all the changing started. I think it was when I was about ten years old.

Maybe I should explain a few things first.

==========

For all my life, from when I was a little kid toddling around the house to what I am today, I have always been in a little group of five people. There was me, of course, my best friend, two children of friends of my family, and … my cousin. We did everything together, from doing chores around the village to just playing around in our spare time.

One of the main things we had in common though, was we lived to beyblade.

Sad, isn't it? We devoted all our time to playing with little chunks of metal, glorified spinning tops. I didn't really realise how pathetic that was until a friend of an authoress I know pointed it out to me. We got up in the morning, did whatever needed to be done, then walked out to the woods to a smoothed out tree stump that made the perfect beydish, spending hours and hours just trying to get better, perfecting our techniques. It was there, when we were about seven years old, that we made that promise…

I'll start my story from there.

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"Come on Mariah! We're gonna be late!!!" I yelled behind me, running back a few paces to grab her around the wrist, dragging her along. I felt excited, like I did every afternoon when I had finished my chores and my mother waved me off to see my friends. I was only eight years old, nine in a few weeks, but no one in the village saw anything wrong with letting us out, even when it was dark and cold. There wasn't any dangers in our hometown, there never had been since the times of tribal warfare. People left their doors open on hot days with no fear of people sneaking in, left their windows open at night without worrying for their children's safety.

It was a place to live that many people would turn green with envy when they thought about it. If they knew about it anyway.

That particular morning was in early January, and overnight the entire village was covered in a thick blanket of snow. It was about as cold as it ever got in the little valley, only just cold enough to make the snow descend on the houses and forests that surrounded us, and even my cousin, a girl who never really got that cold, had untied the jumper that was always at her waist and yanked it over her head.

"You know they won't start without us Lee," Mariah panted, her breath forming ice crystals in the air as she struggled through the snow after me, "They never ever do that." She added with certainty in her six year old voice, her magenta hair trailing out behind her like a flag as we picked up speed, quickly making our way down the hill that lead to our meeting place. Of course, I knew they would never start training without us, but still, I had to be back earlier today to help dig out some of the snow from the street.

While we ran along the buried path towards the meeting place, a loud squeal announced Mariah tripping and flying head first into a pile of snow. I automatically doubled back to drag her out, but she sat up, grinning in spite of the clumps of snow clinging to her hair and the soaking the front of her top and pants had just got.

"What am I going to do with you?" I sighed, dragging her to her feet as she smiled sheepishly.

"Could say the same thing for you."

I turned around quickly to spot my best friend walking down the path towards us, and I smirked. Ray Kon. We had known each other since we were babies, our parents having been friends when they were kids too, and I could say out of the little gang I was in, Ray knew me better than any of them. Well, maybe Mariah knew more, but she was family.

"Hey Ray," my cousin greeted happily, running up to him. Mariah had known him for nearly as long as I had, her mother being my mother's sister, and every time my aunt came to visit, Mariah had been carried along. Some of my earliest memories were of us three crawling around on a mat, Ray with a mop of long black hair already, Mariah sucking her thumb as we played together, games that didn't really make sense then or now.

"Hey Mariah," Ray replied, grinning as the white tail wrapping that was his hair stirred in the wind, and he walked towards me, his hands firmly shoved in his pockets to keep the cold out. His light amber eyes surveyed me and he grinned, "Lee, you're late," he taunted.

"And what are you, walking behind us?" I smiled, not rising to the jab as Mariah giggled at us both as we played another word game.

"Behind schedule," he answered, smirking at me.

"Fair enough," I said, turning to walk along the path again, the sound of snow crunching underfoot telling me that they were following, "Seen Kevin or Gary today?" I asked him as he and Mariah drew level with me.

"Kevin's not allowed out in this weather," Ray scowled. I returned the frown; Kevin was our youngest friend, only six years old, but we hated to leave him out of anything, "His mama said that he'd get a cold."

"Aww – HEY!!!" Mariah yelled out as an avalanche of snow was shaken from the bare winter stripped branches above our heads, effectively covering us all and soaking our hair and clothes. I shook the snow out of my hair and glared upwards, knowing exactly what had happened.

"KEVIN!!!"

A green haired boy appeared grinning among the branches, seeming nearly as ease as he would have been on the ground. He stuck his tongue out at me and quickly climbed down as I bent down to scoop up a handful of snow, landing with a soft thump in the white powder as he slipped and landed on his rear. He quickly got up from the ground, his face flushing scarlet as Ray and me chuckled good-naturedly.

"Hey," he greeted, rubbing his soaked backside, a sheepish grin on his face.

"How'd you get out Kevin?" Mariah frowned; she got very motherly around the height-disadvantaged kid, and the boy nervously brushed his long fringe out of his eyes, the answer obviously going to be something Mariah wasn't going to like one bit.

"Er… I kinda … climbed out of the window." He said slowly, anxiously waiting for the explosion that was sure to come. He wasn't disappointed either.

"WHAT?!" Mariah yelled.

Kevin jumped backwards in panic as Mariah's eyes flashed and dilated in anger, Ray immediately edging backwards as well. I had grown up with Mariah's fits of temper, but even I ended up backing off as she lunged forward at Kevin and grabbed his wrist, deciding that he needed to deal with my cousin's rage on his own.

Kevin tried to pull out of Mariah grip, but she had a vice-like hold on him. He glared up at her, "Okay, very scary Mao, you can let go now."

Mariah waved a finger at him and stuck her tongue out at him, "Sorry, don't think so." And without another word, she carried on down the path, towing him along behind her despite of his loud protests. Ray and me exchanged glances, our faces crumpled up from the effort of staying quiet and burst out laughing in unison.

==========

"Cheater!!" Mariah yelled a few hours later, pointing at me as she danced in her fury, her pink beyblade in the dirt a little way away. I scooped my own up from the 'dish' that we had made out of an old tree stump after a lot of effort and time, smirking at her as I did; she was such a sore loser. "You che-e-e-eated!!"

"Did not," I protested, turning to Kevin, Gary and Ray, who were standing under the trees nearby as they waited their turns, "Did I cheat?"

"You did!!" Mariah butted in, bending to pick up her beyblade before walking right up to me and standing on her tiptoes to get right in my face, "You put that huge dent in the disk so I'd end up losing loads of spin in it!!"

"I did not!! Gary did that last week and you know it!!" I objected loudly, remembering how Gary had slammed Galzzy into the dish with that much force that he nearly shattered the base of the red beyblade the Tuesday before hand.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Stinky black lion!!"

"Stressy wildcat!!"

"Hey guys, knock it off," Ray said soothingly as he grabbed Mariah around the waist and dragged her backwards, "We're friends, yeah? Friends don't argue, and friends – " he stared pointedly at Mariah " – don't get snippy about losing."

"He's not my friend," she admonished, breaking away and giving me a little poke in the ribs, "He's my freaky older cousin." She grinned up at me to show she was joking, though she didn't need to. Mariah was a lot of things, but she wasn't venomous; she wouldn't try to hurt me, or any of our friends. Ever.

Why did I hurt her then?

I'm sorry, getting ahead of myself again.

"You know though …" Ray said slowly, "I've been thinking a little …"

"Will wonders never cease?" I remarked playfully, settling myself on the edge of the tree stump beydish. Ray rolled his eyes at me and sat as well, ignoring the snow that had began to fall lightly again.

"I've been thinking that we should make a team, you know?"

Mariah grinned at the idea immediately, jumping up and down on the spot, her magenta hair flying around her face and Gary and Kevin shared identical smiles. Ray nodded at the silent agreements and turned to me, climbing off the stump as he did, shaking the snow out of his hair and brushing it off his clothes.

"What about you Lee?" he asked me.

I frowned slightly; sure, it was a great idea, but I could see all these scenarios playing in my head. It would mean leaving the village, going out into the world… the idea thrilled me and scared me halfway to death at the same time.

"I don't know…" I said slowly, playing for more time, "It's a good idea, but –"

Mariah flung herself at me before I could say another word, knocking me backwards into the dish. I tried to shove her off as the others howled with laughter somewhere above my head, but she clung like a limpet.

"Come on Lee, please please please please? We'll even let you be team captain if you do, won't we?" She lifted her head slightly to stare beseechingly at Ray, Kevin and Gary, who stopped laughing as she adopted a look that dared them to say no. I struggled underneath her, but since she had wrapped her arms around my torso, I couldn't even push her off with my arms.

"Lee'd make a great captain," Kevin simpered, obviously trying to suck up to me so I'd agree.

"Yeah, Lee can be team captain," Ray said casually, like it didn't matter. The corners of my mouth twitched, thinking it over again; what would it be to leave the village, in a couple of years time? The elders and my grandfather wouldn't object; after all, they encouraged us to beyblade, and I heard them talk about us all often, trying to assess who would be best for the 'white tiger.' I wasn't really sure about what they were talking about, but I had heard my grandfather say how I would be the best choice a few times. After thinking this a couple of times, I gave in.

"Fine."

"Thank you Lee!" Mariah yelled gratefully, kissing me on the cheek like she always did when she was happy with me before climbing up and jumping off the stump, whooping triumphantly. My entire torso felt like it had gone numb, but after a few prods the feeling began to come back, so I climbed out of the dish as well, water droplets dripping out of my hair and running down my face. Ray looked like he was trying very hard not to smile, so I flicked a lump of snow into his face before shaking the melted snow off my head, little clumps of shrinking white snowflakes clinging to the little wisps of black hair that hung down from my forehead. The snow was falling a lot heavier now, swirling all around us in the clearing as the sky above us began to tinge with red and orange, the little blue that showed through the clouds changing slowly into a light purple. My dark green-grey clothes were soaked, and a quick glance confirmed that everyone else was as drenched as I was, so I sighed, a cloud of ice crystals flying on my breath.

"We'd better go back early. Too cold," I said unnecessarily, not bothering to shake off the snow anymore. There were murmurs of agreement around me, Kevin grumbling about how much trouble he was going to be in when he got back, and we all started to walk back up the path.

"Wait."

I felt someone grab the back of my shirt and turned to see Mariah looking up at me, her amber eyes serious for once, her eyebrows knitting together. Ray, Kevin and Gary stopped as well as she cleared her throat nervously, obviously preparing to say something that had been on her mind for a while.

"Guys … I just wanted to … well … can we promise to always be friends?" She looked quite anxious after this sudden query, and she was wringing her hands, "You know, to stay together through wind and rain, snow and sleet, thunder and lightning and all that stuff?"

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes; I didn't think we needed to promise, now that I thought about it. I guess it made me think about what was going through her head though, to make her feel insecure about our friendship so she had to get a promise out of us. Mariah always made us promise anything she felt was really important to her, because she knew we wouldn't ever break it.

"Yeah." Ray had walked back into the clearing, "I think we should."

"Yeah, who would I put up with if you guys left me all on my lonesome?" Kevin grinned cheekily, making him look even more like a monkey than usual under the long mop of green hair, still not long enough to tie back.

"And a team always needs to stay together, right?" Gary stopped thinking about what he was going to eat when he got home and clapped me on the shoulder, my knees nearly buckling to send me to the ground. He never really did know his own strength.

"Lee?" Mariah looked expectantly at me, "Don't make me jump on you again and force it out of you," she said with an impish smirk. I sighed in exasperation and nodded.

"Okay, so this is it guys," Ray said dramatically, clapping his hands together, "No matter what happens, we're always gonna be friends. Through thick and thin – "

" - through good and bad – " Mariah added on.

" – through sun and rain – " Kevin laughed.

" – through snow and sleet –" Gary tagged on.

" – we'll always be friends." I finished, "And may I remind you we still need a team name."

"Since you're the team captain, I get to pick the name," Ray pointed out, "I think something like the White Tigers would be cool, don't you think?"

I snorted; the White Tigers was the name of the tribe Ray's ancestors had belonged to, "Sounds good to me," I said approvingly in spite of what I thought.

"Now can we PLEASE get out of this snow?" Kevin pleaded, his arms wrapped around his middle, "It's freezing!!!"

"It's your fault you didn't put a coat on," Mariah snapped, glaring at him and grabbing his hand like an angry mother before dragging him off. Ray gave me a look that clearly said 'Okay …' before following behind them, Gary lumbering after them along the dirt path and back through the woods to go back to the village.

I can remember standing there for a few seconds before I followed them, ignoring the snow that was falling all around me. I felt a little … weird I guess. Because when Mariah had beamed at me after we'd finished the promise, I had felt a flush creep into my face, red tingeing the tanned skin, and I felt … I don't know. Happy? It was kind of like happiness, but at the same time, a completely different feeling.

Shaking the thoughts away in confusion, I heard the others yelling for me and I decided that it could wait.

==========

I wish I had taken the time to find out what I was feeling sooner.

People are starting to stir around me, and I don't want to be caught writing this, especially since I didn't ask to use the laptop. Someone has already spotted me, but it was plain from the look on her face that she doesn't care. But then she doesn't really care about anything, from what I've heard. She won't tell. I think.

I'm going to have to continue this another time. But before I go … by now it is obvious who I am. So to be on first name terms with you, whoever you are … my name is Lee.

* * *

Authoress notes: I wrote this story under my Saiyan-Chang account, but I had to move due to my own paranoid reasons. I would like to thank, however, JPC (Jedi Princess Clarrisani) and Silver and Yami Sakura (that all being one name) for noticing that I had moved from my old point and freaking out about it. Thankies guys.

-SC-

-MyHeartBleeds-


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade. I do own my characters that are mentioned, and Anu-Chan owns Madison (Kevin's cousin.)

* * *

**Thursday 9th October 2003**

I'm sat outside in the sun as I write this, leaning over the paper as I hide it from everyone's mocking glances, everyone's childish laughs as they play their stupid games. I'm in no mood to play today; all I want to do is write, drop the tired act that I have to drag up every time someone talks to me, act like I'm happy. Well, as happy as I'm supposed to act.

I'm not happy. I'm not.

The authoress' muse gave me this notepad this morning that would never run out of pages, said she and SC felt it would help me think over what I wanted to, think about my thoughts. Yeah. As if I believe that. They either pity me or are disgusted by me. They may pity me because the one person I love the most in this universe is with my best friend. They may be disgusted by me, because I was nearly my cousin's rapist.

It feels so … relieving to write it down, yet I feel like I'm going to be sick. I've kept it locked inside my mind since it's happened, and I can't talk to anyone about it, not even now Ray knows, and the authoress and her muse. It feels like I've been suddenly been flung into the spotlight, and everyone's staring and yelling at me as I try to cover my eyes against the glare, try to find a way out of it all. I never thought that this would happen. Never thought that she would tell. Stupid, really, to think that. I told her to tell.

I stare around the gardens that we have all settled in, and I can see that girl throwing stones into the water not too far away from me, a lot harder than necessary I think. She knows I love Mariah, though she doesn't know what I did. She's in a mess like me; she has a crush on my best friend, but he's with my cousin, and she took it very badly I heard. When we were all drifting on the raft that the authoress made for us, when it tipped over thanks to a girl freaking out about a wasp, she tried to drown herself, curling up in a ball as her black hair floated around her face, sinking down to the point where she wouldn't get back to the surface again as her clothes were soaked through to drag her down. I can remember the look in her eyes before the anger as I tugged her upwards towards the sunlight that marked the surface of the water, a desolate misery swirling in dark red irises. I had seen that look many times when I look in the mirror every morning out of habit. It's the look of someone who is giving up on life slowly, as if they don't want to let go, not just yet, but it's beginning to be too much for them to handle.

I know that feeling. I have it every time I wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares of Mariah staring blankly up at me from the floor, lying in a pool of her own blood. She daubs crude messages on the walls in crimson in my dreams now, and though I can't read them, I know what they say, the words crying, screaming at me, to me. They blame me for what I did, blame herself for not stopping it, blame Ray for not protecting her… I don't want her to blame herself. I did it. I did it all. I don't want her to blame Ray. He didn't know what would happen, didn't know I had loved my cousin since we were kids playing in the multicoloured woods, didn't I would nearly strip every cloth of dignity from her in less than half an hour, leaving only her virginity behind, though that only hung by a thread.

I remember trying to tell myself that it wasn't my fault either, in the days afterwards. It was the alcohol I had drank absently, to try to sink my mind and my torn heart into a drunken stupor, forget my friend who ran away and dishonoured us, forget my cousin who I could never have. It was the stress of the fact that my best friend had fled with what should have been mine, the fact that my family would disown me if I ventured anywhere near the person who tormented me continuously without even knowing about it.

It didn't take me long to realise I was talking a load of shit. It was my fault. I stole the wine and drank until I was no longer in control. I didn't stop myself. I nearly raped my thirteen-year-old cousin, and even though I didn't, I still marked her skin with my touch, my filthy touch smudging her smile away, her happiness, any love she had ever felt for me besides the cousinly affection. In twenty minutes, I shattered my **everything**.

==========

"How much longer?" Kevin groaned as he slumped against the heavy book, earning a shushing from a nearby monk. I knew what he meant, and gave him a shrug when the monk turned away before pretending to read the script in front of me. It had been over two years since we made the promise and first formed the White Tigers; I was now eleven years old while Mariah and Ray were ten, Kevin was eight, and Gary was the eldest at thirteen. It was time for our weekly 'lesson' and Ray mirrored my expression of extreme boredom as Gary nearly fell asleep against the table, Kevin leaning his head on his hands while his violet eyes drooped. Mariah was in another room of the temple, probably pouring over a similar script with the other girls in the village; for some reason, girls and boys had to have separate lessons, it was something the elders insisted on. I didn't know why, and I felt annoyed how one of the group had to always come running to find us at the end of each lesson.

Bruce snapped his fingers quietly under the long table to catch my attention, and signalled towards the window that was streaming sunlight into the room with a slight movement of his head. Bruce always tried to gain respect in the White Tigers, which now was our official name, always trying to please and help me, Ray, Mariah, Gary and Kevin, insisting that everything that went wrong around us was his fault, etc. Unfortunately for him, it just made it look like he was sucking up to us, especially to me and Ray, so I never really was able to like him much, even though I would never admit it.

I glanced up at the window and nearly cried out from alarm as I spotted light amber eyes staring right back at me, magenta hair hanging around them with just the slightest glimpse of a pink ribbon. I gave Ray a swift kick under the table and nodded over to the window as Mariah's face fully came into view to grin at me. After Ray realised who it was, he stopped shooting me death-glares for my trouble and stared incredulously at the window, not bothering to be discreet, forcing me to kick him again on the shin, this one being noticed by the elder who was 'teaching us.'

"Is there a problem Ren?" They always used our last names, I remember, and I can still hear the cold disproving tone in the elder's voice. I felt my face flush furiously and shook my head rapidly before ducking back to the book, the blush deepening as Kevin smothered a snigger. I wasn't trying to be a good boy; I just didn't want him to spot my cousin who was still hanging outside the window and couldn't take the hint to move out of sight. Most of the other boys had noticed her by now, and I could hear them trying to hide laughs behind their hands as several of them gazed at her; she was widely acknowledged as one of the prettiest girls in the village, and I could feel brotherly disapproval rise in my throat, along with another feeling that I still couldn't place.

"Five, four, three, two, one," Kevin muttered on my right side, and before I could ask him what he was talking about, the elder shuffled to his feet and cleared his throat.

"The lesson is over."

I immediately jumped out of my chair, nearly knocking it to the floor as Kevin clambered onto the table and ran along it to reach the door faster, Gary bowling the other boys over as he made for the door as well. I felt Ray knock past me, laughing at me over the rebuking of the monks as he shot through the door, Kevin darting out after him and Gary getting through at the last minute. I scowled as Kevin's mocking monkey grin greeted me in the corridor, Ray sharing a tiger-like smile while Gary smirked down at me; last out again. It was becoming a regular occurrence now. I really needed to think of a new plan.

"How did you know we were going to be let out then, Kevin?" Ray asked him as we sprinted outside, the warm June air washing over us, running past the girls as they walked back towards the village through the temple gate.

"I have a gift," Kevin grinned up at him, keeping up with the pace even though he was the smallest, not to mention the youngest. The girls squealed indignantly as dirt flying from the path that we kicked up behind us dirtied the clothes they always tried to keep so immaculate, and I rolled my eyes; I didn't get girls. They never wanted to do anything fun, and they always seemed to be staring or giggling at you. Well, Mariah and Kevin's cousin Madison weren't like that, but Mariah had never hung out with many girls, and Madison didn't hang around our village for long enough before being moved off to another aunt or uncle, so she never learned to act like the girls I knew.

"Hey!"

I skidded to a halt at the bottom of the archway that was the temple gate, nearly crashing into Ray as I looked around for the source of the voice that had rang out in the yard. It was another game we played, and since it was my turn for the day, I only had about five seconds before –

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!!!" I heard her screech, then fell forward as something slammed into my back. I fell face first into the dirt as Mariah knocked me to the floor, and I felt her sat on my spine, ruffling my hair as she giggling triumphantly. Ray was laughing heartily as he always did when one of us was caught out by Mariah's attack, and I merely gave him a withering look before pushing myself up from the ground, trying to throw my cousin off as I did. Mariah still clung miraculously to my back though, wrapping her legs around my stomach and gripping my shoulders as hard as she could.

"Mariah, let go, you little parasite," I tried to sound annoyed, but that was one of the hardest things to do when I had Ray, Kevin and Gary pulling stupid faces at me, especially since I didn't have the heart to be annoyed. I tried to pry her hands off my shoulders, but her stubborn nature shone through once again and she didn't budge an inch. I shrugged, giving up, and I walked along the path again, Kevin, Gary and Ray following automatically, Mariah riding piggy back no matter what I said.

"You're a mess, Lee," Ray pointed out a few silent moments later, glancing at the tunic and pants I was wearing. I looked down and frowned; I was completely covered in a reddish-brown dust from head to toe. I reached over my shoulder and slapped the clinging girl lightly over the head in exasperation.

"I look like I've been rolling in the dirt, thanks to you," I rebuked her sullenly, trying to brush some of the dust off (to no avail, may I add.)

"So?" Kevin asked, like it didn't matter, "You HAVE rolled in the dirt before and it didn't bother you then."

"Maybe that's because my mother didn't tell me that I had to keep my clothes and body clean with a capital C on that day," I snapped out of irritation, and Kevin didn't retort with a sarcastic or snappy comeback. He probably realised if he mentioned my mother in any way, I would end up knocking him out.

"Could go for a swim," Gary suggested as the path drew level again (the temple had been built on higher ground than the actual village.) "Then you could change your clothes when you get home."

"Swim in what?" I asked irritably, "The well?"

"No. You could swim in that," Gary said simply, pointing through the sparse trees to a river that was flowing not too far away. I stared at it for a few moments, then turned to Ray, whose mouth was slowly stretching into a grin.

"What do you think?" He asked before I could say anything.

"We'd get caught," I replied bluntly, "And we don't have anything to dry ourselves with."

"Aww, don't be such a grump Lee," Mariah slid off my back and immediately shot towards the river with Kevin in hot pursuit. Gary slowly made his way after them, and Ray turned to me for a moment, halfway through a step after the others.

"Coming?"

I sighed deeply, my shoulders slumping from defeat, then nodded my head. His grin reappeared so fast it was pretty alarming, and he seized my arm to drag me along, as if to make sure I wasn't lying. I felt as though we were making a big mistake for some reason, but I let myself be towed anyway.

"Mariah can't even swim yet," I muttered mutinously.

As we caught up with the others, Kevin had already stripped off everything and dived right into the water, which was confirmed to be very cold by his howls and yells. I looked around for a moment; they had picked a shallow spot that was surrounded by long grass, but still, I felt uncomfortable having to strip off to go for a swim. Kevin might have no worries about going swimming wearing nothing but a smile, but I still felt like I shouldn't.

It was weird for me to think that. The entire of our group had always gone swimming before now in the nude; it just made things easier, no sopping wet clothes to drag back, no clothes to drag us under in the water. After I remembered that again, the throbbing embarrassment disappeared, and I was left wondering why it had been there at all as I flopped down on the bank and untied the dark red sash around my waist.

When I pulled my tunic over my head, I caught a glimpse of Mariah as she dumped her pants and top on the grass and quickly took off her underwear. My face burned scarlet, but I couldn't help staring; I never really thought of Mariah as anything other than one of the guys, but there were a few things that always brought that crashing around my pointy ears. I had always taken it for granted that girls and guys had different bodies, but I had never realised how different we were. She was getting bigger around the chest, I noticed, then yanked my tunic back over my eyes so I couldn't see anymore until I heard her splash into the water.

==========  
  
"That was great!" A thoroughly soaked Ray yelled to the skies about an hour later as he pulled his clothes back on, not seeming to mind how the fabric stuck to his body. Mariah, Kevin and Gary were all waiting patiently for us, dangling their feet in the water absently as I tied my hair back with the strip of white ribbon; sure, I was a guy, but we weren't allowed to cut our hair in the village. I didn't get how Gary could keep his hair so short, so I was stuck with a ribbon to stop myself from looking 'feminine' as Ray would say. He couldn't talk, his hair was longer than Mariah's, but he seemed proud of it.

I wish I could be proud of who and what I am, but what've I got to be proud of anymore?

"Oh damn!" Kevin yelled out suddenly, leaping to his feet, making Gary jump and nearly topple into the water.

"Kevin!" Mariah shouted disapprovingly, scowling at him. The five year old bobbed his head apologetically before running towards the path as fast as he could, then stopped to turn back to us.

"I gotta get home! I'm supposed to be grounded! Gary, can you make an excuse for me?" he called out to us; his parents seemed to trust Gary more than myself and Ray, being the eldest, so whenever trouble with the parents appeared on the horizon, Kevin dragged Gary along to clear it all up. Gary got to his feet to run after the green haired monkey, and after a few moments they had vanished from view with only a yelled farewell being left behind.

"… that's normal," Ray shrugged, wringing out his ponytail as Mariah wore a completely shocked expression on her face. She looked so comical that I spluttered, trying to hold the laugh down but only making it worse, nearly falling backwards into the river again as Ray gave me a look that said 'Okay, he's lost it at last.'

"Lee? Earth to Lee?" Mariah turned her head sideways like a puppy to see my face, leaning towards me, and I can remember how quickly I stopped laughing. She was close, way too close, and I got up from the ground sharpish, trying to stop the blush that was threatening to invade my face again, trying to squash down that feeling that was building up in my chest. She raised an eyebrow at me, looking mildly puzzled for a moment or two, then she beamed at me again, like she always did.

"Shall we head back?" I turned to see Ray smiling at me and Mariah, and I swallowed the feeling down again, like I had been doing for the last two years. I didn't know what it was, and I had always felt that anything unknown was a threat (especially anything Mariah had 'cooked.') so I always ignored it, trying to squash it out of me. I tied the belt more tightly around my waist and we all headed slowly up back towards the dirt path, hair dripping and clothes dirty and covered in dust.

As we were just walking into the first part of the village, walking in silence except for the noise of kids beyblading behind the grocery store, I cleared my throat to catch the other's attention and took a deep breath to prepare myself for what I was about to say.

"Guys, what is it when you … feel …" I couldn't really think of words to describe it " … happy when a certain girl's around you …" I felt my face burning again and Mariah and Ray gaped at me. I wished they wouldn't, wished they'd stop staring as their eyes grew as wide as dinner plates.

"Lee, you've got a crush on someone!!" Ray yelled out, causing some of the older kids sat on a doorstep nearby to turn towards us and gawp as well. I tackled Ray around the ribs and after a few moments of struggling on the ground with Mariah laughing at us both, I straddled his chest and scowled down at him.

"Ray, you didn't need to yell it," I hissed. The blood in my cheeks was boiling, and I grew more uncomfortable as Mariah stared at me as if I was mad. I didn't want the entire world to know that I had a 'crush' on anyone, whatever it was. Ray shoved me off and climbed to his feet after a few moments of silence, dragging me up after him, and he grinned at me, his eyes alive and dancing in his tanned face.

"What's a crush?" I mumbled as the few people who were watching went along their business. Ray's expression told me that he wasn't sure if I was kidding around or not; after all, I knew practically everything, so why shouldn't I know what a crush was? Mariah stepped forward to answer my question while Ray's face kept changing looks.

"It's when you're a girl and you like a guy, or if you're a guy and you like a girl," she said simply, as if that was all there was to it. When she noticed that I was still wearing a completely bewildered look, she continued with an air of exasperation, "When you like them a lot lot more than friends usually do."

"Mariah, you can't explain anything," Ray said bluntly, shaking his head and frowning slightly as he thought it over. "A crush is when you like someone like … like how parents like each other."

"For some reason, that explanation isn't helping," I told them dryly. Ray and Mariah exchanged glances, light amber eyes mirroring each other as they exchanged thoughts through their expressions, then Mariah broke into a grin that I had learned over the time I had spent with her meant that something very very very bad was going to happen. The last time she had grinned like that, mine, Ray's, Kevin's and Gary's clothes mysteriously vanished when we were going for a swim last summer.

How did I react when she simply moved forward faster than I thought possible and kissed me on the lips? I can't really remember. I think I just froze, completely paralysed on the spot as her mouth pressed against mine in a not-so-cousinly kiss for a few moments. It felt like a lifetime passed with her lips lingering on mine, then she jumped backwards and smirked at me as I gawped at her.

"A crush is when you want to do that to a person."

I couldn't speak. I felt my heart hammering loudly in my chest, and for a second I thought I was going to faint as my head swam. Ray took the look on my face as one of absolute paralysing shock and he chuckled at me before he waved a hand in front of my face.

"I think you scared him," he laughed, then grabbed me in an headlock, ruffling my hair playfully as the feeling came back into the rest of my body and I struggled to get away, "Aww, who's the lucky girl Lee?" he asked, his grip around my neck too tight for me to wriggle out of, "Tell all!!" he insisted.

"Get off," I choked out, flailing my arms at him though I didn't reach the mark. I couldn't tell them, they'd laugh at me, and Mariah would be more than just little freaked out. I needed to make an excuse, and fast, so I cast my mind around for a suitable girl that wouldn't make me look and feel like an idiot for saying. Mariah kept drifting in and out of my mind annoyingly, and then I settled on a girl my age with long dark green hair who was leaning against the temple gates as she waited for us to get out of the temple.

"Tell meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Ray dragged out the word annoyingly as I kept struggling in his hold.

"Get off me Ray!!" I demanded, still trying desperately to hit him and get out of telling them anything. I didn't want to tell them, didn't want to tell them a lie either. Why did this sort of think always happen to me?

"Who is it?" Mariah asked, grinning good-naturedly at me as I thrashed around, Ray clinging on for dear life.. For a few seconds I just moved my head to stare at the floor, tried to think of a way to get out of this mess as I counted the stones on the dirt. When I couldn't think of any way out, I gave up, took a deep breath and answered.

"Madison."

Mariah squealed and clapped her hands, and Ray dropped my head as he grinned goofily at me, my face flushing scarlet as I watched them dance around and act like it was such a big deal. A lot of people were staring at us by then, but not in a bad way; just a sort of an amused way. I hoped they hadn't heard. It was bad enough lying to my friends.

"You have a crush on Kevin's older cousin-sister!!" Ray whooped, using the phrase that we all did (I called Mariah my cousin-sister, while she called me her cousin-brother, you see?) as he swung Mariah around in his glee. I knew Ray wasn't being spiteful or anything, but I still wanted to hit him for suddenly throwing me into a spotlight and acting like it was so shocking and great. **I **didn't think it was great; it was too much of a hassle.

"I'm going now," I announced loudly as Mariah and Ray carried on dancing around me. I don't think they even heard me; they just kept laughing and running around like idiots, so I just sighed and walked onto the porch, disappearing inside the house without them even realising.

That hurt. But I couldn't help smiling … I knew what I was feeling. I had a crush on my cousin. I had a crush on Mariah. I still have a crush on Mariah.

I think I'm wrong about the crush part now. Love's going too far … I think, though SC would probably argue over that point. Obsession might be a better description.

==========

I dug the knife downwards, and my eyes watered; I hated chopping onions (Got you, didn't I?) My father was cutting vegetables on the table behind me, and I cursed him for getting out of it as my eyes kept stinging as the sharp vapours crept in. My mother was out for the moment, so that left us to prepare the meal. I learned a few years later that most guys would complain about having to do the cooking, and I can remember feeling mildly confused about it; what was so weird about it?

"Father," I broke the silence, the formal term strange in my mouth as I laid down my knife for a moment, staring down at the chopping board; I had stopped calling my father 'papa' as Mariah did for hers a while ago, deemed myself too old to call him such a childish name, but now I regretted it slightly, "Can I ask you something?"

"I think you just did," my father joked, his dark amber eyes a reflection of my own shining in his tanned face as he scowled at the vegetables he was cutting, again as the knife he was using scraped his hand for the third time. I smirked slightly, my mouth twitching, then I turned around to face him, my face solemn. He spotted the seriousness etched into my face after a moment or two, so he laid his blade onto the table as well, a frown gracing his face as he examined my face, "What's up?"

I needed to ask him. I needed to make sure. I could remember hearing somewhere once that brothers and sisters couldn't like each other, and until today, I hadn't actually understood what they meant. What if it was the same for cousins? I didn't want to get Mariah in trouble, and I didn't want to get myself in trouble either, so I had to ask him before it was too late.

==========  
  
Believe me, sometimes I wish with all my being I had never asked him. He knows. I thought I was discreet enough, but I know now that I was so blatant, so damn OBVIOUS that it's impossible for him not to know.

I asked him whether it was wrong to like your cousin. He told me that it was called incest, and it was wrong and it upset families and the elders. He told me that I should never ever think about it. He told me that once someone in my family did the same thing, and he got thrown out of the village. Whether it was true or not, I believed him then. I cried when I went to bed.

I'm inside the mansion again, everyone watching this stupid film on the TV while I sit against the wall and write in this journal of sorts. Mariah broke up with her boyfriend today, my best friend, and I feel him glare my way from time to time, feel his heart crying out from the unfairness of it all, for yet again it is my fault. It's my fault, of course, because I touched her, and she doesn't want to be in a physical relationship with anyone yet, not even a kiss or an intimate embrace. She's afraid someone will hurt her again, like I did. It hurts to know she cries about it, like Ray told me yesterday in a rage, feels it isn't my fault. It hurts so much.

That girl's supposedly watching the film with the others, though I can see how her eyes looked glazed as she stares blankly at the screen, her ears deaf to the voices around her and issuing from the speakers. We have a lot in common, I think. I spoke to her briefly yesterday and today, and she has an odd way of seeing things that happen in the world, and she's a good person to talk to, though not many of the others seem to realise it. Since she knows about my feelings for Mariah, I can talk to her freely about it, like I did today.

_"Kari, what do you think about it?" I ask her as we stare at the lake, oblivious to the yells as Kai and a guy my age argue loudly on the other side, the guy's younger sister cringing with embarrassment as SC yells at them to knock it off as the rest of the teenagers gawk at them. The black haired girl frowned heavily at the water as it shone in the rapidly descending sun that streaked the sky blood red, smooth and as clear as glass. I can see the shiny scars on her arms easily now, all the way from her wrist to elbow, but I don't say anything as I know that I'm nearly the same on my own. But we're different because she's not afraid to show them.  
_

_"I think you need to try letting go of your feelings for her." She told me quietly after a moment or two, lifting her head a little so her dark red eyes are burning into my dark amber irises. I try to avoid her gaze. "I don't know you that well, but I doubt you deserve what you're putting yourself through." She said it all so ... flatly, like this had no meaning for her. Her own eyes narrowed as she stared out to the water, ignoring the others staring over at us, and her hand carefully ran down her arm, as though she remembered something.  
_

I can't help thinking what she says is true. Do I deserve it? Yes, of course I do, I deserve to suffer, more than the cuts on my arms make me.

But she doesn't deserve it. She never did anything wrong.

_"You're becoming obsessed Lee. You're going to end up killing yourself!" The thirteen year old authoress nearly shrieks out,, her face twisted with concern for me while her eyes begin to shine, her muse frowning slightly as they block my way through to the bunkroom._

Am I?

I feel like screaming, screaming out of anger, frustration and misery that's been building up inside me for the last five years, but I can't. Not here.

* * *

Authoress notes: Read and review at your own leisure.

-SC-


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade.

Okay. I need to say something before I start writing this chapter. I do not see suicide as something to write about nor laugh about and treat as though it is merely words on paper (or in this case, on screen) I do see suicide as a point in someone's life when they feel mentally/physically/emotionally unable to carry on in life, as is the view of my character. I DO know what it feels like to be brought to that extreme, so believe me, I am not taking this lightly.

* * *

**Friday 10th October 2003**

Kari cut her wrists this morning.

We're not allowed to go see her in the hospital. We're not allowed to leave the mansion, so the authoress and her muse have gone. Chang is still in shock, staring at the floor while Emma tries to coax her to speak, and Amejisuto hasn't stopped crying yet. It's not a loud sort of crying either, she did that earlier; she just sits there and the tears roll down her cheeks.

The others are still whispering about it in their little groups, keep glancing over at her friends, and the question I hear the most is 'why?' True, they whisper, she was hardly the most sociable of people, hardly the most open, we know next to nothing about her, yet did she really want it all to end that badly?

No one has the answer to that question.

The corridor I've settled in is empty and silent at the moment. The only people I see go past is the occasional muse, but all the others are sat in the bunkroom as they wait for that phone call SC promised them. To be honest, I don't think half of them really care, but they'll feel … I can't describe it. Maybe they'll think the others will be shocked at their attitude, their stone cold hearts, and maybe they fear what the others will think, say to them. It's understandable; we all act a certain way to please others, don't we? Act happy when we're sad, act like it doesn't matter when your heart is bleeding, cover up what you feel for fear of what people will think, even if they don't know you. I feel like that a lot. But no, can't talk to anyone about it, can I, have to shove it all down, suppress it all so it wells up in my chest and explodes in a tidal wave of misery, anger and jealousy when it all becomes too much.

I actually found someone to talk to. Someone who knew I loved Mariah, but didn't know what I did, so I don't feel like she's wary of me, or judging me. But no, something has to happen to take it away, so she's lying in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, and if I go to see her on my own, I'll have to put up with sneering remarks of 'Lee's got a crush', 'Madison's gonna be crushed', and the such like. I feel like ripping my hair out, lock by lock, strand by strand, leaving it all in a black carpet on the floor. And I feel like screaming at the sky as the rain falls all around me, thunder and lightening shaking and streaking through the black clouds. I hate being what I am: I'm a pathetic obsessed fool, a near rapist, a pitiful excuse for a human being who dares to even dream that something cold happen to make it all go away, when I know there's only one way out. I'm not ready for that yet. Someone would find me if I tried, and now that the authoress is watching me, I can't even sneeze without her knowing about it and dashing to my aid with a box of tissues.

What have I done to deserve this?

I don't mean my current state of affairs. I mean what did I do to deserve being born as me, Lee Ren? Did I do something in a past life that was so terrible that they sentenced me to this lifetime that anyone could describe as hell, pure and simple? I never asked to loved my cousin, want her, need her, need her so much that I feel like I'm going to die from it all. I never asked for my best friend to take her away from me. That was one of the reasons why I was so against him when he left our team, every single sentence containing the words 'Ray', 'traitor', and 'payback', because if he hadn't left, I wouldn't have done it at all.

Damn you.

I sound like such a toddler. You must think that I'm such a pathetic idiot, and I don't blame you. I've just been going on and on about how much my own life is fucked up, what have I done to deserve it all, blah blah blah. It's so full of shit it makes me want to laugh. I wish I'd never started writing this… but I can't help feeling that I need to write all this down.

… I need some time to think. I can't write any childhood memories down today… I don't feel like I have the energy right now. The only thing I have to say now is … I had a dream last night. Not a nightmare. A dream. And I saw myself, about five or so years from now. I didn't see much of that dream, because everyone woke up when Mariah screamed what had happened to Kari. Brief flashes of a few adults who looked very familiar, children laughing, voices talking in a low buzz in my mind, but I could only hear two words properly, clearly. Dakaru and Karli.

I don't know who they are. I've never heard those names before. But for some reason, these names are printed, branded into my memory, so I'm just going to store it away until it resurfaces when I think I need to remember. I need to ask SC about it … as much as I might feel less than happy to see her at times, I think I really do need to talk to her now.

* * *

Authoress notes: SC bashing. You have to love it.

I just need to say a few things. One, Lee and Kari are not going to be in a relationship anytime soon unless I lose all control of my senses. They've only known each other for a couple of days after all. Two, Dakaru and Karli are actually two very important names in this story, but they won't be in this story for a while yet. Three, I know I'm making Lee go slightly overboard in this, but that's the way this story goes. Four … I know Lee and Mariah are actually brother and sister, BUT I am going to continue this story as if I never found this information out, as I had started writing this a LONG time before I found out and since it is too deeply woven into my other story, I am simply going to make this slightly AU in the facts that Lee and Mariah are cousins in this story, and any stories I write about them unless specifically stated I have written them as siblings.

Thank you JPC for supporting my writing and being one of the only people to review my fanfiction. I swear that I am going to continue this fanfiction, because I have been watching Beyblade once again and getting completely obsessed over Lee's character (again.) I also need to find the new address for the Redblade board (dammit, where did that go.)

SC MyHeartBleeds


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade. However, I own my own characters and the pairing one-sided Lee/Mariah (since September last year), Anu owns Madison Ki. Jedi Princess Clarrisani owns the last name of 'Ki', though.

For my random thing of the day, the White Tigers supposedly live in the Shandong area of China. Must fund an expedition … does anyone want to come?

* * *

**Sunday 12th October 2003**

_ I don't really know what to write. There's nothing to be said, and I don't think I can conjure anything out of thin air. May as well be basic … my name is Kakara Li. I'm fifteen years old, sixteen next month. I'm writing this in the psychiatric ward of a hospital in the area that I live._

_There's nothing more to say._

She was right. There isn't.

She told me a lot of things when I went to the hospital. Lots of painful things. About her mother, father, sister. Younger brother. About all that had happened to her. She cried. According to Luci, no one has ever really seen Kari cry before she tried to kill herself. She just keeps all her emotions locked away, but this time they forced themselves out. It was … awkward, to say the least.

It hurt a lot to tell me what she did, but I understand her more now that she did. She grew up in the shadow of her older sister, her beautiful, smart and sensible sister, and no matter what she does, Kuai will have done it first. Kuai gets all the best jobs, the best degrees, the best clothes, the best everything, while Kari struggles with the work that _Kuai_ would have done in about five minutes and had enough time to go out with her handsome and completely independent and respectable boyfriend. And in their parents' eyes, Kuai is their number one daughter while Kari drifts around in the background.

She told me more, but since anyone can read this without me knowing, I think I'll leave it there. It was bad enough listening to it, especially when she started to cry. I patted her arm a little, but then she flung her arms around me, which was unnerving. I supposed that all people need to break down at some point, so I didn't really mind that much.

I can't imagine what it's like for your parents to not care about you. Parents are supposed to be there to pick you up when you fall, wipe away your tears when you cry and beam at you with pride when you get over obstacles in your life, not ignore you like you're inferior. I wouldn't know about having brothers or sisters; not many people in our village have more than one child (my mother's parents and Kevin's grandparents are a rare exception, supposedly.)

Kids … it's weird to think that one day I might be sat at home with a son or daughter sat on my lap, staring up at me. It's weird to think of me becoming old and becoming too weak to even get out of a chair without help. Disturbing thoughts really, I've got a long time before I get old, and definitely a long time before I settle down and have kids.

I don't think I'll ever find anyone to replace her anyway. Sure, I've been out with a few girls, but I never really put enough heart into it, and I've upset a couple of girls that way. I think I'm just trying to find someone to replace her, but I'm failing so miserably that it's almost laughable; find anyone to replace the girl who I've loved for most of my life? Yeah right.

Mariah. I can't tell you what I feel, but at least I can write it down. I know you 'forgave' me, but I can't stop feeling so sick inside myself, and I still can't tell you how sorry I am. You told me you were stained because of me, and I've tried my best to make myself the same, even though your stains are invisible while mine are always covered. Scars on my wrists, burns on my back. The cuts are my attempts to atone, while the burns are there to remind me what I did. As if I could ever forget.

I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to love you like this. Why couldn't I be as innocent and pure as I was when I was a young child? Please Mariah, hear me when I say this; I am so so sorry.

==========

Spring changed into summer, and Mariah celebrated her eleventh birthday in the May. The celebration was strictly family and friends, though since nearly everyone in our village is related, that hardly lowered the number on the guest list. It was her time to 'become a woman', though I didn't understand that, nor did Ray, Kevin or Gary. Mariah was just the same as ever in our eyes, the same young innocent girl we had always known and yet still thought of as one of the guys.

She was beginning to worry me though; she was … changing. She spent more time hanging around with Madison, preened in front of nearly every mirror she saw, and once or twice I spotted her dusting her face with make-up in her room. It was obvious that she was embarrassed, simply by the way she jumped every time we spotted her having a girly conversation with Kevin's older cousin, the way she turned away sharply from the shiny silver mirrors when she spotted me standing behind her, and the way she furiously scrubbed off the make-up, face burning scarlet.

"You don't need to wear make-up anyhow," Ray remarked one day when she was washing it off, the light golden eye-shadow disappearing to return her face to innocent perfection, though slightly tinged with red. "You're pretty enough without make-up." His hand rose to wipe away a smudge of gold with the tips of his fingers. I remember how I frowned.

And while she tried to change herself, her body was changing anyway. I tried not to notice, but even Kevin couldn't ignore that she was suddenly changing … shape, to put it delicately. She wore looser clothes, frightened by all these sudden new things, new curves and new assets, though she couldn't hide them, no matter how hard she tried.

"I can't swim with you guys anymore," she said quietly to me one day when we were walking through the woods, a rare occasion where we were on our own.

"Why?" I asked, confusion contorting my face.

Her light amber eyes looked weary as she looked up at me, though she was nearly level with my height now, and her face sagged with the weight of everything she was going through, "My mama said we shouldn't let each other see our bodies when there's nothing to cover us up. And she says even if I cover myself up, I can't swim with you all 'cause you always swim naked."

"But –" my brow knitted together as I tried to take this in, " – it's what we always do, and your mother never told us that before."

"I know," she sighed quietly, "But she says it's 'cause I'm growing up." She turned to me suddenly, frowning, "I hate having to grow up; it's too much of a hassle. Why don't you have to grow up?" she asked me, her voice slightly accusing me, as if it was my fault.

"I dunno." I did actually; my father had told me when I asked that I was going to 'grow up' a bit later than Mariah because I was a boy. But if I told Mariah that, she would have started on another rant of how it wasn't fair, and I admitted that I was tired of it already. I loved my cousin, I really did, in more than one way, but I didn't really like it when she was upset about how she was different to us, and didn't understand some of the things we all talked about. I think there were sometimes she wished she had been born a boy, so she wouldn't have to be different to us anymore.

We would have done anything for one of our friends, so we all agreed that we'd at least wear our underwear when we swam. It caused a lot of bother; we were always freezing while we walked back, especially on the cooler days, and Mariah was reluctant to swim at all if she didn't wear all her clothes. But then she didn't really swim anyway, only paddled around in the water for a bit in warmer weather; she was one of the only children in our village who couldn't swim. I had tried to teach her once or twice, but she was quick to give up on something if she couldn't do it straight away.

Well. Everything except beyblading. But what did you expect?

==========

One late June morning, I walked idly through the village, the sun shining in a nearly cloudless sky, the warmth enough to be pleasant, but not overwhelming as it sometimes got. I was bored; Ray was off practicing kung fu with some of the other guys in the temple, Gary's and Kevin's families were having another of their little get-togethers, so I knew I wouldn't see any of them for most of the day. I hadn't seen Mariah at all, and since I remembered hearing my mother say that she and Madison were talking about the limited 'girl' stuff they both knew (Madison hardly was the winner of the Girly Girl of the Month award either), so I decided not to even consider visiting her for a while.

The village was as same as ever, I thought absently as I kicked at the dirt. Nothing ever really happened here. It was just a case of live each day as it came and you knew that every day would be the same. Sure, a few people had visited from the outside, but since no one was allowed to know what they were here for, life stayed the same. There were whispers of old wars, our past, the reason why all the different tribes had suddenly come together into such a small community, and even an eleven-year-old such as I was could tell that something was going wrong. But when I asked my grandfather about the men who had visited him a few times now, he simply chuckled, shook his head and told me "You needn't concern yourself over such matters Lee. You should enjoy your childhood while it lasts, not spend it worrying about an old man who is perfectly capable of handling situations himself."

Enjoy my childhood.

Ha.

I didn't often take walks around the village with no one with me. It was kinda depressing really, especially the fact that my cousin was just sat in her room, twittering away to Madison about all these stupid stupid 'lady' things that my mother said were important for her to learn, and that Madison, as a girl nearly two years Mariah's senior, could tell her about a lot of stuff that was going to happen to her. Like what? It was hardly as if she was going to start bleeding to death or something. I did like Kevin's older cousin-sister and I didn't think she was annoying as I did with most of the girls in our town, but it was irritating how she managed to enrapture Mariah with all those stupid conversations about boys, make-up and girl stuff in general.

Great. I was bored and angry. A perfect combination.

"Hey Lee!"

I felt someone grab at my arm and twist me around, and found myself looking up at a tall twelve year old that I knew was going to be ranting about a certain friend of mine from the lump on his head. Tao Khau. He and Ray had never really seen eye to eye, in and out of the beydish, and I think he was a little jealous of the things that Ray could do, and he, as a older, stronger and taller opponent, never got over it.

"What's up Tao?" I asked, not letting myself get intimidated by someone just because I was nearly a head shorter than he was. There was a group of his friends hanging around behind him, and they were all shifting around either nervously or they were just bored.

"Ray. Where is he?"

I looked innocently up at him, "Who?"

I could have sworn the vein in his temple bulged next to the lump Ray had accidentally given him the last time they sparred, "You know exactly who I mean."

I thought about it, "OH, Ray!" I remarked, as though it had come to me in a flash of remembrance, "He's up at the temple. You know, training and stuff." A evil thought crept into my mind while I was thinking, and I grinned, "Yeah, I almost thought he wouldn't be there, you know, 'cause he hurt his ankle."

"He hurt his ankle?" Tao smirked, obviously falling for the ploy hook, line and sinker. I had nothing against the guy, but I didn't like the fact how he seemed to want to beat Ray in anyway possible. It was time his ego was deflated a little.

"Yeah, he could barely walk this morning," I sighed melodramatically, "I think someone had to help him walk all that way, 'cause he _insisted_ that he had to go train."

Tao's brow knitted together as he searched my face to see anything that betrayed that I was lying. He found nothing, of course; I was nearly as good as Kevin at lying and not getting caught for it, while Gary, Ray and Mariah always had trouble with it. Something about their eyes, Kevin said.

"Okay," he said hesitantly, his eyes not leaving my face, "If you say so…"

"Would I lie?" I asked, my face holding it's angelic look while internally I was dying to laugh.

Tao snorted and jogged off down the path, his little group of followers walking along behind him. After making sure he was well away, my face broke into a broad grin and I indulged in a loud laugh; thick as two bricks.

==========

I can't really concentrate. Emma's at the front singing along to her CD player at the top of her lungs; we're using a bus to get back. How does a bus travel from country to country? The muses at the front are having a great time making us appear in different continents, let alone countries. There's a couple making out in the back of the bus, Kevin 'reading' a borrowed magazine while the owner goes through the rest of the pile, Gary's simply staring out the window while the scenery changes from snow, to sun, to rain, to hail, and I wouldn't be surprised if the twins at the front had taken something from the way they're acting.

In four words, this generation is fucked.

I'm trying to remember what happened after I tricked Tao into going up to the temple to fight Ray, but I can hardly hear myself think in this noise. It's mostly the people at the front of the bus, for Kevin, Gary, Seigyoku and the two in the back are too distracted to say anything anyway. I'm TIRED of all this shouting; it reminds a lot of the Asian Tournament. The fame was nice for a while, being approached while walking to the match and being asked for an autograph, but it became tiresome very quickly. Mariah couldn't go anywhere without getting catcalls off her fans, them all leering at her, I was stalked all over the place by mad twittering girls, and Kevin had had enough of girls picking him up and cuddling him like a doll. It was irritating as well that, though not without fans, Gary would usually be left out if we were suddenly mobbed in the China Tower, and when we went to Russia.

But about these idiots at the front of the bus … I think I'm going to have to do something drastic.

==========

Finally. Silence.

I think I've got a black eye, but nothing that won't heal in a few days.

At least I can remember what I was trying to write.

==========

After I had watched Tao head on his merry way, I carried on walking along the street absently, watching as the younger children shot off to the large crowd behind the grocery store. The people watching groaned as a boy's beyblade was shattered to bits, and I smirked, becoming very aware of my own black beyblade nestled in my pocket. Why not? I had the time, and I didn't think Ray or anyone would be coming out of their various engagements for at least a couple of hours.

As I approached the crowd, many of the people who spotted me automatically moved back to let me pass; I was a well-known blader by this point, and though I, nor any of my friends yet owned a sacred spirit, I didn't think any outsider of the White Tigers had defeated us. Yet. It was very bad to get arrogant merely because we thought we had more skill that the competition. Many a match had been lost by potentially skilled beybladers because they got overconfident. But in saying that, I was hardly guiltless of having a swelled head from time to time.

"Who's next?" The boy who seemed to always referee these matches asked loudly to the crowd, greeting me with a grin and a nod as I pulled my beyblade, shooter and ripcord out of my pockets, "Who is brave enough to face the fiery battle style of Lee, captain of the White Tigers?" I think the boy's name was Shing; he always exaggerated and was so melodramatic about the entire game. Maybe that's why he was so popular with the people who hung around behind the grocery store, because he made their spirits run high and gave them something to think about in our dull little hometown.

"I will!" A girl forced her way through the crowd and stood up to the DIY beydish the grocer's son set out every morning (simply a basket with a cloth tied over it.) She already had her beyblade attached to a dark launcher, and she grinned at me, "Ready to lose?"

"As if," I snorted. The assorted crowd, girls and guys, from toddlers to late teens, seem to take in a single collected breath as Shing raised his hand.

"Bladers, are you ready?" he yelled out. I didn't really hear what the people were saying; my mind seemed to have locked into battle-mode already. Good. "Okay, you know the drill. The first person to either knock out or stop their opponents 'blade spinning wins!"

"Okay, right, we know the usual boring stuff Shing, stop trying to stoke the crowd and get the match started!" I snapped exasperatedly at Shing, who grinned sheepishly and took on a more professional stance.

"Ready?" Shing checked again automatically, and even though the crowd let out a surprisingly loud cheer, I still noticed the absence of my friends, "Three!"

"Two!" The people chorused as one.

"One!"

"Let it rip!!"

It was over too quickly for all the trouble it took Shing to actually start the match.

"Think you'll win Lee?" she taunted me from her side of the dish. I chose to ignore the attempt to get me angry and simply focused on my black 'blade that was gradually picking up speed as I watched, spinning circles around the girl's, though she appeared not to notice. A possible rookie then. May as well end it quickly.

"Now."

While my opponent had been trying to distract me, it meant she wasn't watching her beyblade, which was simply circling the dish lazily. All I really needed to do was slowly begin to tail her around the dish and hit her with a lightning strike. The typical hunter's attack; examine, the stalk, then the strike. Just like a lion leaping on its prey.

The girl didn't seem to have noticed this though. The only thing she noticed was the fact her beyblade had shot straight out of the dish nearly as quickly as it had entered, and proceeded to throw a wailing fit before disappearing back into the crowd like a drop of water melting once again into a puddle on the ground. I simply accepted the cheers and the thumps on the back as if I had won the World Championships, and grinned around at Shing, vaguely looking around the crowd as I did.

Then I spotted her.

She stuck out like a sore thumb just from the clothes she wore; I didn't know what half of the clothes _were_, let alone what they were made of. She held herself oddly, obviously trying to stand up straight and proud, yet her eyes were fixed on the floor. Her hair was an unusual colour as well, a reddish-brown colour that hung around a pale face, and by the way it styled coupled with the fact she was staring at the floor meant I couldn't see her eyes. She wasn't particularly pretty, and even though she looked so odd, the people around her didn't seem to even glance her way.

Then she looked straight up at me and, though she looked shocked, she grinned.

The first thing I noticed was her eyes. Weird eyes, cold blue flecked with white and grey. Icy blue eyes, an absolute impossibility in a village filled with people who's eyes were light or dark amber or a dark violet. She moved forward a little through the crowd, the people simply parting as if to let her pass, but not realising it.

She was close enough for me to reach out and touch, close enough for me to see the dark circles under her eyes and the unnervingly pale quality of her skin compared to those around her. She grinned again, more broadly this time, and she seemed to say something, though I couldn't hear anything she said.

I blinked. She had gone.

"Lee? You alright?"

I shook myself out of my daze, and noticed that Shing was staring at me as if I had gone mad. I flicked my eyes back over to the place where the girl had stood, and back to the nervous boy.

"Yeah. Just tired. I think I'll be going."

The crowd still surrounding us groaned and protested loudly as I forced my way back out and walked away again down the dirt road, kicking up the red dust absently as I went and listening to the half-hearted cheers as another people came up to the dish. My mind was buzzing with questions again; who was that girl? Why was she here? Why couldn't anyone seem to see her except me?

I'm going mad.

I changed direction rapidly and headed for my cousin's house; screw her sudden obsession with being girly, this couldn't wait. After a few minutes, I took a sharp turn and climbed the steps of their front porch.

"Hello Lee," my aunt greeted happily, sitting in the sun as she lay her book down in her lap politely, "Mariah's upstairs with –"

"Madison." I finished exasperatedly, all my hopes that Madison may have gone home crashing around my pointy ears. "I know." I stepped inside the open house and bounded up the stairs as fast as I could, my aunt muttering something about how kids couldn't stay still anymore. I could hear Mariah and Madison laughing in her room, twittering again about the various guys in the village. Oh GOD, someone pass me a bucket.

Then I heard _my_ name.

I came to an abrupt halt about halfway up the wooden stairs, crouched down and clinging by my fingertips. Why would they be talking about me?

"What about Lee?" I heard Madison ask, sounding confused. She snorted, "Ma-RIAH! He's your cousin! That is just so –"

"Not me!!" Mariah yelled indignantly, "I'm talking about someone he has a crush on!"

All the colour drained from my face. Please, no.

"Who?" Madison asked, sounding interested. I scuttled a little bit further up the stairs so I could just peek around the banister, the door to her room hanging open. Mariah was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, and Madison was sat cross-legged on the floor, though craning her neck around to see my cousin. Please don't Mariah …

"Well …" Mariah flipped over to lie on her front, leaning her head on her hands and grinning at the green-haired girl, "A couple of months ago…"

Mariah, don't you DARE.

"He said he had a crush on you."

Silence. I mentally screamed every single obscene word I knew in a long detailed stream, nearly loosing my grip on the stairs in a fit of temper. Why does this stuff always happen to me?!

"Really?"

Once again I froze. That wasn't a 'REALLY?! MY LIFE IS ENDING!!!' really. That was a 'Reallllly?' really. And 'Reallllly' reallys are very very bad.

"Yeah." Mariah didn't seem too disturbed by this development, "He told me and Ray." I hated the high-pitched voice she was putting on, the giggling. She had never been like this before.

Madison, however, looked thoughtful. Being Kevin's cousin, and therefore of the Ki family blood that could NOT be a good thing.

"Did he really say that?"

A new thought appeared in my mind when she said that, a truly disturbing thought, and I swore so loudly that Mariah and Madison jumped up, looking scandalised.

"Who's there!?"

Letting go of the top step, I spun around and shot down the stairs three at a time, muttering 'shit shit shit shit shit shit shit' at each stride, and running out of the door as fast as I could. My aunt gave me a quizzical look as I shot past, though that was hardly top priority on my mind as I sprinted as fast as I could across the street and into my own house, slamming the door behind me. I could hear my cousin question her mother loudly outside, but though I couldn't hear her, she seemed to be denying anyone coming out of the house. Obviously since I hadn't been spying on her and Madison while they were getting changed or something, I was being spared from Mariah's wrath. Thank whoever-is-up-there for saving me from that.

The house was silent; obviously my parents and grandfather had gone out somewhere, as normal. There was probably a note lying around somewhere waiting for me to find it, if I could've been bothered to look for it. But all I did was walk slowly up the stairs, across the landing and into my own room, sitting down on the bed that creaked underneath me. My life had once again seemed to take a turn for the worse; Madison thought I liked her. This changed a lot of things, including how I could act around the older girl.

"Why does this always happen to me?" I asked into the silence, lying back on the blanket wearily.

I could've sworn I heard someone sigh.

==========

We're back now. After I pretty much attacked the muses at the front of the bus, they stopped zapping to each part of the world and dropped me, Kevin and Gary off here, Kevin complaining how Seigyoku wouldn't let him borrow the magazine. Just as well; his mother would probably kill me for letting him have it anyway.

It's pretty boring around here at the moment. Sure, I have the TV that another authoress gave me for giving her rights to write a few stories (they need to ask us if they have sexual content involving other characters. You can tell Mariah and Ray are swamped) but it's hard to get it working. And the less said about the stories, the better; Lee/Kevin, I ask you. He is at LEAST a head shorter than I am, he'd have to stand on a box just to … shut up brain. Great, I have R-rated thoughts in my head. Thank you Kat, my mind will have to put up with that all night now.

My parents are downstairs, muttering about finding me a girlfriend. It's worrying really …they'll probably start inviting every girl and their parents for meals, their excuse being 'We want to get to know the parents better.' Right. Whatever they say. I need to ask Kevin how to avoid formal meals now, besides making yourself throw up in the rice as he did once.

To this day, I'll never understand how he was able to do that.

* * *

Authoress notes: Thank you crappy F F .net for screwing with the system … dammit, when I actually get it working, it changes. I don't deserve this.

Lee: Yes you do.

Ahem. Read and review at your own leisure, I need to write new chapters for things …

-SC- -MyHeartBleeds-


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